


waiting (and waiting again)

by kjshyes



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Help me how do I tag, Post-Break Up, okay thats enough tags please read thanks, she just wants to be loved, this is my first fic on ao3 please be nice, with that said if its bad i sincerely apologise, yena is a big old tsundere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23854612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjshyes/pseuds/kjshyes
Summary: "how much time do you need? because i don't care if you need a day, or a week, or a month, or a year or twenty, i can wait."in which yuri boards the train without a reply, but yena waits anyway
Relationships: Ahn Yujin/Jang Wonyoung, Choi Yena/Jo Yuri, Kim Chaewon (IZONE)/Kim Minju, Lee Chaeyeon/Miyawaki Sakura
Comments: 30
Kudos: 98





	1. ch 1

**Author's Note:**

> um hi yes this is my first ao3 work and I'll try my best to not make it shitty. it's gonna be a little long and i cant guarantee regular updates but i'll try my best :3

there she was, standing in the rain, hair soaked and clinging to her face in wet bunches, clothes plastered against her skin. it was wet and it was cold and she was trembling slightly as water rained on her, but the rain was the least of her worries at that moment. wrapping her hands tighter around herself, trying to conserve what little warmth she had left, she stood still and waited.

  
_any minute now._

  
but to fully understand how she’d gotten here, we have to go back, all the way back to the beginning.

-

choi yena woke up that day with a wet pillow and an abject coldness in her bed. she cracked open her eyes as much as she could and stared into space for a few moments, eyes blank and glossy like she’d been crying the whole night.  
groaning, she forced herself out of bed.

  
her face in the mirror was a dishevelled mess, eyes red and raw and puffy, hair a wild, untamed mess, fresh tear tracks running down her cheeks. it was like a scene out of a drama, when the protagonist and her love interest have inevitably broken up and she really lets herself go. if the situation were any different and yuri were here they’d both spend the whole morning cackling over how absolutely pathetic yena looked, but neither of those seemed to be going in her favour.

  
leaning over the sink, she tried her best to scrub the evidence of last night off her face, but her puffy eyes were more than enough to betray her. ‘butthole eyes’, yuri had called them once, giggling at her after they’d watched up together for the first time. thank god she didn’t have any schedules today.

  
 _oh, grow up,_ said a tiny voice in her head, and she wished she could. it had been a whole month since The Incident and she was still waking up every morning like it was a fresh wound in her heart. her friends had, at first, tried to comfort her (chaewon had even stopped calling her a dumbass for a whole week), but quickly found that trying to help her move on had the unintended effect of prodding at the wound, so they patted her head and let her become a mess. to their credit, they still came over every other day (when they could, at least. being a celebrity was hard) to check up on her and bring her groceries. they’d ask her how she’d been, and the answer was always the same: she’d dreamt of yuri again.

  
and how could she not? yuri had trampled her heart in the worst possible way, not even giving her a proper goodbye before packing up and leaving her in the dust. she’d been cruel, heartless, and unforgiving, but somehow yena still found herself wishing she was back here, in her arms, so that things could go back to the way they were before. when things were perfect.

  
 _choi yena, you’re a mess,_ the voice said rather grumpily, and yena couldn’t help but agree.

-

“unnie, you there?”

  
it was yujin again, back from whatever variety show she was guesting on, come to check up on her cousin. the two of them had been partners in crime for as long as they could walk, a relationship that yena really appreciated because it meant that she could gush about feelings to yujin and the latter wouldn’t judge her, or try to change the subject. it had been yujin who’d first found her in the train station, collapsed on the ground and crying her heart out. she and her girlfriend wonyoung had carried her home and taken care of her afterwards, which yena was eternally grateful for.

  
“yena unnie?”

“i— i’m here,” yena replied, trying to keep her voice steady.

(she realised immediately after that she’d failed)

“oh, phew,” yujin sighed, lifting a few plastic bags of food onto the kitchen counter, “i thought you’d gone and run after her again.”

yena flinched slightly. two days after The Incident, drunk-and-clearly-delusional yena had attempted to run all the way to busan. thankfully, delusional yena wasn’t nearly as fit as sober-and-rational yena (not that rational yena was fit, anyway), so chaewon had caught up to her before she’d even reached the train station. just the thought of how pathetic she sounded made yena’s eyes begin to gloss over again, and she looked at anything but yujin, willing herself not to cry.

yujin, of course, noticed, lowered her voice, and mumbled a soft apology.

the cousins sat down to eat, and yena was once again grateful that she had such a wonderful cousin. she didn’t say that aloud, of course, because heartbroken or not yujin would never let her see the end of it. ever since they were children, there was an unspoken agreement between them that verbal affection was gross and under no circumstances should they admit out loud that the other person wasn’t a total piece of shit. some people would call that a bad relationship, but yena and yujin fully embraced it.

there was an almost peaceful silence while they chewed, but then yujin suddenly began to speak.

“unnie, I know this is probably, like, the worst time to say this, but your manager called me today.”

“uh-huh,” yena nodded, mouth full. “whaddid he say?”

“he wants to know when you can go back to work again, because he’s had to call an absolute buttload of shows to cancel your appearances. i told him not to push you, but i think everyone really wants to know when choi yena’s gonna be back on the scene.”

yena stopped chewing. “oh,” she replied, her voice cracking slightly. she prodded at her food with her chopsticks, thinking and shutting her eyes. yujin, too, stopped eating, and looked over at her cousin with a worried face, realising that _yes, this IS the worst time to bring this up._

“unnie, you don’t have to reply. i can tell him you’re not ready, it’s completely fine. you don’t have to force yourself,” she said, placing a hand on her cousin’s.  
yena took in a deep breath, eyes still closed.

“look, i’ll text him now, it’s fine, you just focus on feeling better.”

yujin reached for her phone, but yena stopped her before she could start typing. “i—i’m fine, yudings. i’ll be fine. i can start work tomorrow.”

“w—what? are you sure?” yujin cried, eyes stretched open in shock.

“yes, i am. i can’t mope around forever, you know. i’m gonna move on eventually, and eventually is now,” yena said, forcing out a smile. there was a sudden and strange calm in her head, which felt so wrong to her, but she let out a sigh and grinned.

“besides, someone’s gotta pay the bills.”

-

_it was the middle of the night in winter, but in her haste yena hadn’t bothered to get a coat. all she knew was that yuri was at the station right now, and she had to stop her._

_“yuri!” she called, after finally tracking her down. all the shops were closed and the station was empty, so yuri immediately froze and turned around._

_“oh, hi,” she mumbled, casting her eyes on the floor._

_“what’re you doing here? c’mon, let’s go home,” yena said, reaching out to grab her arm, but yuri pulled away._

_“wha— oh, i get it, this is some hidden camera, right? chaewon’s gonna pop out right now, and she’s gonna throw something at me. ha-ha, you guys are so predictable. c’mon, let’s go—”_

_yuri pulled away again, and backed away. yena stared back at her with confusion in her eyes. “seriously, what are you doing?”_

_yuri inhaled deeply, and paused for a second. “i—i think we need… we need to take a break…”_

_yena stared back at her, visibly confused. “yul, is this a joke? because—”_

_yuri flared up suddenly, face twisting with annoyance. “this isn’t a joke, yena! not everything in life is sunshine and rainbows and jokes. i don’t think we’re going to work out, and i’m going back to busan. i’m sorry, okay?”_

_yena could only stand there, frozen in shock, the hurt evident on her face, but she didn’t say anything back._

_“i’m sorry,” yuri said, turning back toward the platform and dragging her suitcase with her._

_“h-how much time do you need?”_

_yuri stopped._

_“h-how much time do you need? because i can wait for you, yuri. i’ll be here. i’ll wait for you to be ready.”_

_there was silence._

_“p-please. i… i don’t care if it takes a day, or a week or a month, or a year or twenty. i… i’ll wait for you! we can make this work!”_

_yuri bowed her head, but all yena could see was her back, and her own eyes were already brimming with tears anyway._

_“please,” yena said again, her voice definitely cracking now, the tears free-falling down her face and landing on her shoes. she was shivering in the winter frost, but she didn’t care. the train to busan was on its last boarding call now. “i can wait for you! please!”_

_yuri raised her head again. “i don’t know,” she said, and she walked onto the platform and boarded the train, not bothering to turn back even once._   
_the station was empty now, and yena broke down crying._


	2. ch 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yena had lied.
> 
> she wasn't over jo yuri in the slightest.

**_six months later_ **

“is she coming or not?” chaewon yawned, leaning against the wall, arms crossed and brows furrowed. she wore her mask lazily, letting it droop below her nose, and every so often a curious passer-by would stare at her with some vague familiarity. chaewon paid them no heed, lazily grinning at them with her signature cocky popstar smile.

yujin groaned. “stop asking already, she told us she’d be late. you know how variety shows are.”

“whatever,” chaewon sighed, “if she isn’t here in five minutes i’m ditching you guys for minju.”

“speak of the devil,” chaeyeon muttered, and the other two girls followed her gaze to down the street, where yena was excitedly bouncing over to them, the biggest grin imaginable plastered on her face.

“hey guys, how’s it going?” she yelled, screeching to a halt before them. “sorry i’m late, you know how they like to drag these things out. were you here long?”

“only an hour,” chaewon said, unfolding her arms and walking closer. “so i suggest we go before i starve to death.”

the four of them headed towards their hangout of choice, a small café in myeongdong that they’d found before any of their careers had really taken off. it sold macarons and cakes and smoothies and other cute things that surely eunbi would have loved, but sadly their oldest unnie was off in Thailand filming a music video. ah, the drawbacks of being famous.

“thanks for the food, chaeyeon!” yena cried, digging in.

“thanks for the—what? you’re paying! we agreed on this!” chaeyeon protested, and yena giggled. “don’t remember it, so it didn’t happen!”

“if yuri were here,” chaeyeon muttered. she glanced upwards and found both chaewon and yujin staring at her, mouths agape. she froze, belatedly realising what she had said. “w-wait, i didn’t mean—”

“it’s fine!” yena cut her off, voice a little too cheery. “chaeyeon-ah, it’s fine! that name doesn’t affect me anymore!”

chaewon and yujin redirected their stares at yena, disbelief etched on their faces. there was silence for a few minutes as yena nonchalantly chewed on her cake.

“unnie, there’s no way you’re over her,” chaewon finally said, trying to use a gentle tone. “you’re acting way too happy, it’s really obviously fake.”

“what, i cant even be happy anymore?” yena snapped back, and chaewon flinched. yena’s face softened a little, and she took in a deep breath.

“look, i’m over her, okay? it’s been six months, and i’m not gonna let jo yuri of all people stop me from living my life. i’m moving on, and maybe if i look like i’m acting weird it’s because you guys just aren’t used to seeing me happy on my own anymore! i’m completely fine!”

there was an awkward silence yet again. yena was becoming awfully acquainted with them.

“wow, unnie. that was a perfectly rational deep and mature thought. i didn’t know you had it in you,” yujin said suddenly, and the table broke out into laughter.

“whatever you say, yudings. how’s you and wonyoung?”

yujin’s face brightened, and she began to talk about her girlfriend with the fondest look yena had ever seen out of her cousin. the subject did, eventually, end up shifting onto chaewon and minju, and later chaeyeon and sakura, and yena was quite rudely reminded, once again, of how painfully single she was.

but it was fine, because love was for sappy idiots and her friends were idiots and she, being single, was obviously superior, right?

that night, when yena got home, she looked at herself in the mirror.

_don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry—_

she sank down and curled into a ball on her bathroom floor, feeling tears start to build up momentum in her. it wasn’t very long before her chest was heaving with the weight of every sob she let out, and she was, one again, a mess on her bathroom floor.

because choi yena had lied.

she wasn’t over jo yuri. no, she wasn’t at all.

-

_“guess who?” yena asked, covering yuri’s eyes._

_“an idiot!” yuri giggled, and yena removed her hands and pouted. yuri chuckled slightly nd patted her girlfriend’s head before returning to staring at the piano._

_“what’re you doing?” yena asked, picking up the scores she had lying around._

_“composing stuff,” yuri replied, playing a few chords. “i’m working on a piece right now, but i don’t think it’s very good.”_

_“let me hear,” yena said, but yuri shook her head. yena pouted again, which sent yuri into another fit of giggles._

_“anyone ever tell ya you look like a duck when you do that?” yuri asked, and yena nodded._

_“yeah, you. now let me hear! i’m dying for it!”_

_yuri shook her head again. “nuh-uh, it isn’t done and it’s terrible anyway!” yena grumbled and crossed her arms, but she stopped asking anyway and sat next to her girlfriend on the piano stool._

_the couple sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying each other’s presence. every now and then yuri would scratch something out on her scores, pout and stare at it with a blank look, and then scribble something else down. the whole time, yena would stare at her with the most whipped look on her face._

_“yul, are you ever gonna let the world hear your voice? it’s beautiful, you’d be as famous as iu in seconds!”_

_yuri tensed when she heard that, and yena frowned. “did i say something weird?”_

_“n-no. no, you didn’t. it’s fine,” yuri smiled semi-awkwardly, leaning in to kiss yena on the cheek. “you should head home first, i’ll be here a while.”_

_“but it’s fine, i can wait!” yena said, but yuri patted her head again and told her to go home. yena did, of course, because her girlfriend had asked and she’d do anything for her._

_that was just the first of many times that yena had found herself waiting for jo yuri._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this was kinda short hdhjfjf sorry
> 
> leave a kudos if you enjoyed <3


	3. ch 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she'd counted every day since The Incident, and with every extra day came another tonne of guilt on her chest.

_“and now, for your morning wake-up song, this pop ballad sung by…”_

yena tuned the radio out and flopped onto her bed, glassily staring at the ceiling. for a few minutes she lay there, fixing her eyes onto her lights (which were, thankfully, turned off—no blindness for yena today) and letting herself focus on breathing. in and out went the air in her lungs, and the gentle melodies of the radio’s song began to swim back into her ears. _she has a nice voice,_ yena mused, letting her eyes fall shut. _sounds kinda familiar. wonder where i’ve heard that before._

the song ended, and yena sighed as she forced herself up again. she walked onto the balcony, leaning against the railing and letting her gaze fall onto the seoul cityscape. it was summer now; not so early in the season that the air still hung with the smell of spring, but not late enough yet for the land to be bathed in the sun’s scorching heat. it was almost perfect.

_yuri used to love this time of year._

_yuri again,_ spat the voice in yena’s head, which was getting mildly annoying. it liked to interrupt yena’s thoughts at times when it really shouldn’t be, often making snide remarks about things like these. it was like a tiny chaewon in her head, sarcastic and grumpy and usually right.

(but don’t tell chaewon she said that.)

_yena, are you really gonna let the girl who dumped you live in your head for the rest of your life? you can’t look at shit without thinking of her! oh no, yuri used to sit here, oh no, yuri used to do that too, oh no, whatever shall i do? it’s pathetic._

“but you don’t understand,” yena said, despite the fact that there was no one to listen but herself, “i told her i’d wait, and what… what if she wants me to wait?”

_considering she walked away while you were talking to her, i think you have a better chance waiting for the sun to explode._

“maybe she just couldn’t find the words to respond!”

_if you really think that, then you’re an idiot._

yena’s face fell, and she slumped her shoulders, sighing and fidgeting with the skin around her nails. “i didn’t know i was this mean,” she mumbled to herself, and for a precious ten seconds her head was quiet.

_look, all i’m saying is that you need to stop waiting for someone who isn’t coming back. she left you for a reason, and there’s no way she’d come back after half a year has gone by. you’re being irrational here!_

yena huffed, but deep down she knew the voice was right.

_“that was your morning wake-up song with seoul radio! all of those songs back there were sung by an up and coming singer from busan, and i heard she’s getting quite popular!”_

she walked back inside. the moment was gone.

_“if any of our listeners want to know the name of this singer, i believe her name’s jo yuri,”_ the radio host added casually.

in the corner of her room, yena froze.

-

there had been news, as chaeyeon had told her, that yuri was moving back to seoul in order to further her singing career. none of her friends seemed very happy about that, and yena tried to act like she was indifferent.

“y’know, i can always beat her up for you if you want,” chaewon said one day. they were out at a chicken place downtown with minju, and yena nearly choked on her chicken.

“w-what?” she managed to get out, her face turning red in both confusion and panic. “why would i want that?”

“because she hurt you really badly, and you’re my friend, and she shouldn’t be able to get away with that?” chaewon said, not looking up from her food.

“babe, that’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” minju asked.

“nah. she deserves it.”

yena finally managed to get the chicken out of her throat. leaving herself a few seconds to catch her breath, she slammed her hand on the table with such force that chaewon actually jumped. “kim chaewon! she was your friend too, you know! the three of us were jo yuriz together! what happened to all that?”

behind them, some of the other patrons were glaring at them. a waitress was already walking over, but minju smiled at her and mouthed a timid ‘sorry’. the waitress pressed her lips together in a firm line, forced together a customer service face, and nodded curtly at their table before walking away.

“you might wanna lower your volume, unnie,” minju whispered, and yena lowered her head apologetically. an awkward silence had, once again, graced them with its presence.

thankfully, chaewon broke it not too long later.

“to answer your question… you’re not the only one who was hurt when yul left. we were her friends too, y’know, and she left us the same way she left you, but that’s just the tip of it. in all honesty, unnie, when she left, i’d never seen you so sad. it was just so wrong, because all my life i’ve only known you as _the_ choi yena, the one who dedicated her life to making people smile, the one who never lets other people see her down, and to see you lose all of that… it felt like she’d committed a crime.”

yena gaped at her best friend, who was looking back at her with the look of a teenager who’s just told his parents he loves them. simultaneously genuine and stupidly awkward. minju, meanwhile, just stared at the pair of them like a lost puppy.

“wow,” yena said simply. “that was… that was really moving, chae.”

minju let out a sigh of relief, and chaewon, too, visibly relaxed.

“although i’d still like your reassurance that there won’t be physical violence of any sort directed against one jo yuri? because i’d rather not have my best friend arrested for beating up my ex.”

the table erupted into laughter, and they had the rest of their meal in relative peace.

-

on the ktx train to seoul, a lone figure sat with her head back in her seat, eyes fixed on nothing in particular, a mask obscuring most of her face.

“ladies and gentlemen, we will be arriving in seoul in five minutes. thank you for travelling with us.”

the girl sighed, feeling the weight on her chest. it had been seven months now since The Incident. she’d counted every day, and every extra day added another tonne of guilt onto her.

yena had probably moved on. she should have, actually, because The Incident should have incited a deep hatred in yena for her. it had certainly made her hate herself, anyway.

the train pulled to a stop, and she got up slowly, dragging her suitcase with her. she wasn’t ready for this, because she knew that as soon as she walked off that train, all the memories of the life she’d left behind would come running back with overwhelming force. quite frankly, she wasn’t ready for that.

“ma’am? are you okay?”

an attendant was looking at her strangely. she hadn’t realised how long she’d been standing there, too afraid to leave.

“y-yes. don’t worry, i’m fine.”

taking a deep breath, jo yuri stepped off the train, and into seoul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i'm really sorry if everything so far has been bad but i tried my best with my very limited writing abilities
> 
> leave a kudos if you enjoyed <3


	4. ch 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yena can't tell her tears from the rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so yes i kinda went mia for a bit because school was being a bitch and i was super stressed out by a lot of things so i kinda had this chapter half-written for like a month... but it's here now so enjoy
> 
> [pretender](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tmw_aMmhljY) cover by hayoung (fromis_9)

_“you’re staring,” yujin huffed, rolling her eyes. they were sitting in the campus canteen, yujin being done with the school for the day, but yena happened to have been well and truly broke._

_“i’m not staring,” yena protested, straightening. “i was just zoning out”_

_“yeah, right. just say you’re whipped and go.”_

_“you’re like, 12, what do you know,” yena pouted, laying her head on the table and drumming her fingers next to her. when yujin wasn’t looking, she stole another glance at the girl in front of her and felt a tiny smile creeping onto her face._

_it was the vocal major jo yuri, who was sitting by the entrance, her head buried in a book. she was two years younger than yena and without a doubt the cutest girl on campus. not that yena liked her or anything._

_“you’re totally in love,” chaeyeon said, walking over with sakura. yena hadn’t even noticed that they’d arrived. “go and talk to her, then. she’s doesn’t bite.”_

_“easy for you to say,” yena grumbled, looking at sakura and chaeyeon with jealous eyes. “you haven’t asked a girl out in ages.”_

_“because the one time she asked someone out, that someone became her girlfriend,” sakura grinned, and yena rolled her eyes, thinking back to when sakura was still a shy, quiet transfer student._

chaeyeon‘s impact, _yena thought, but she didn’t say that out loud._

_“are you just here to gloat? you don’t even go here anymore.”_

_“oh, i’m sorry, i was here because yujin said you were too broke to afford anything, so i came to get you food. d’you want it or not?”_

_yena sat up again, and chaeyeon laughed a little too loudly at her reaction. yuri glanced at her from across the room, and seeing chaeyeon she waved with a bright grin._

_“chaeyeon! you know her?” yena whisper-shouted._

_“yeah, she’s friends with my sister,” chaeyeon replied, waving back._

_“and you never told me?” yena cried, betrayal on her face._

_“you never asked! and it’s not like i’d set you up with her, anyway. now can we leave?”_

_yena grumbled, but she complied anyway and stood up to leave._

_she didn’t notice sakura and yujin exchanging cheeky looks behind her._

_as the four of them walked out, she felt a weird force on her back. huh. strange. the world moved in slow-motion, and yena felt herself fall into something before she could even register what was happening. she vaguely remembered yujin’s smug face and sakura’s supremely-amused one, but that was it until she hit something solid._

oh, shit, _she thought, looking at whatever it was that she’d landed on._

_yuri stared back at her, eyes wide and confused._

-

yena waddled onto the studio of ‘prison life of fools’ with her phone in one hand and a tumbler in the other. it wasn’t coffee; she’d never dream of drinking coffee (it turned her teeth yellow), so straight black tea was the next best thing.

“’sup,” seungkwan said, walking up to her. “is that coffee or are you still uncultured?”

yena glared at him, and seungkwan laughed.

“alright then, keep your secrets,” he said, and the two of them walked in silence for a bit.

they arrived at the set, and the production crew was, as usual, running around the set, conducting last minute checks and trying to get the hosts in place. it was, to put it simply, organised chaos.

“well, see you later, i guess,” seungkwan said, patting her on the shoulder as he walked off to bug someone else. yena sighed and downed the rest of her tumbler.

“be on standby!” someone said, walking past her, and yena placed her tumbler onto a table and walked onto the set. _game face,_ the voice in her head whispered, and yena took in a deep breath and mustered up the laxest smile she could.

the clapperboard sounded, and it was time for comedian-yena to rise.

there was the same, playful banter between the other hosts, and yena occasionally butted in too. she felt at home here, arguing with the other hosts; comedy had been her life ever since yuri left, because even if she herself couldn’t really be happy from it, just knowing that she made everyone else smile every day gave her the bits and pieces of satisfaction she needed.

the feeling vanishes with the final snap of the clapperboard.

-

_“what the hell was that for?” yena spat, face flushed and eyebrows furrowed._

_“that was us helping you,” yujin giggled, which only made yena’s eyebrows furrow harder._

_“didn’t look like it to me! she—she probably hates me now, a-and—"_

_“hey! look, that back there was the most you’ve interacted with her in like, ever—” yujin began._

_“bad interactions exist too, a-and that was like… bad… but worse.”_

_“as if,” sakura said, rolling her eyes, “jo yuri would never hate you. girl’s head over heels for you, but you’re both too much of a useless gay to confess!”_

_yena froze, falling behind the rest of her friends._

_“w-what?” she stammered, running to catch up with them. “h-hold on, hold on, b-back up a little, she’s_ what _?”_

_“god, you’re oblivious. i said she likes you, dumbass. anyone with eyes and a functioning braincell can tell,” sakura sighed, and chaeyeon nodded beside her._

_“chaeryoung told us,” she said, rather matter-of-factly._

_“you knew? and you never told me? what the fuck?”_

_“you never asked,” chaeyeon shot back, and yena pouted, wondering what other secrets of the universe she was keeping._

_chaeyeon looked over at yena and felt her heart melt a little at the sight. stupid yena and her adorable upset face. “stop looking at me like that,” she groaned unexpectedly, and yena looked at her like she had three heads._

_“like… like what?” she asked, rightfully confused._

_“like—” chaeyeon began, but she decided it wasn’t worth explaining, “you know what, never mind. fine, fine, fine, i’ll talk to yuri for you.”_

_yena didn’t understand the sudden change of heart, but her face lit up nonetheless. “dude, you’re the best person ever! thank you thank you thank you!” she cried, jumping to hug chaeyeon._

_“dumbass,” chaeyeon whispered, but she let a grin climb onto her face anyway._

-

“we’re home,” the manager said.

yena’s thoughts were yanked abruptly from pleasant summer days long past and back into the miserable reality.

“t-thanks,” she mumbled, snapping out of her nostalgic daze. shaking her head a little, she climbed out of the car. “see you tomorrow, i guess.”

back in present day, it had begun to pour. the streets were flooding with ankle-deep water; so much rain was falling that it came out in one, continuous thrum. nature’s heartbeat. yena pulled her jacket over her head as she half-stumbled, half-ran into her apartment building, chest heavy with _something_ that made her arms tremble and her eyes blurry.

she could no longer tell her tears from the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ssonghayoungs?s=20) i'm nice i swear
> 
> leave a kudos if you enjoyed <3 new updates coming soon i promise


	5. ch 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuri remembered simpler times, when she was happy with yena, before she'd gone and ruined everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> procrastinated on a bunch of stuff and this is the result lmao. it's like 3 am and i'm tired but here's a chapter
> 
> [red sun (021)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pG_ZUmWxXps) by gwsn

_“h-how long do you need? p-please. i… i don’t care if it takes a day, or a week or a month, or a year or twenty. i… i’ll wait for you! we can make this work! please… i can wait for you! please!”_

_“i don’t know.”_

_yuri could feel her vision blurring. she bit her tongue, forcing herself not to cry, and somehow manged to muster up enough willpower not to run right back into yena’s arms. with the last bits of her resolve, she turned and walked toward the platform, fists clenched so hard that she might draw blood._

_she could practically hear yena’s heart shattering behind her._

_yuri managed to board the train, but it was all a dazed blur. when she finally found her seat, she all but collapsed into it, finally letting the tears fall. she curled into a ball on her seat, sobs wracking her body and her chest heaving as she struggled to catch her breath between them._

_“i’m sorry,” her voice was weak and raw now, “i’m sorry, yena.”_

_-_

“jo yuri!”

yuri jumped, startled, and nearly fell off her seat in the process. it took her a second to realise that a) it was morning already and b) she had definitely fallen asleep at her desk again. she looked up at whoever was talking to her and found kang hyewon staring back at her.

“oh, thank god, you’re not dead. now will you _please_ get ready?” hyewon said rather impatiently.

“get ready for what?”

“for what— jo yuri, have you lost your fucking mind? you need to meet with the agency! for legal contract-y stuff! remember?”

_ah, crap. the contract._

realisation hit yuri like a truck, and her brain instantly entered panic mode. “hyewon! the contract! i’m gonna be late!” she cried, leaping to her feet and running around the room at an astounding speed, grabbing things and clothes faster than hyewon could keep up with.

“geez, chill,” hyewon muttered.

“not a chance,” yuri replied, and hyewon wondered what she’d signed up for when she agreed to come to seoul with yuri. _oh well._

-

when they got to the company building (thankfully on-time), they met the ceo and were led through the building to a meeting room. the whole time, yuri walked with her mouth in an ‘o’, gaping at the state-of-the-art recording studios and equipment.

“like what you see?” the ceo, who’d introduced herself as bae joohyun, asked, smiling fondly at the shorter girl.

“w-yeah! it’s really cool! i think one room here might be worth more than my entire life’s savings!” yuri said.

“well, hopefully we can change that soon,” joohyun laughed, stopping in front of a glass door and holding it open for yuri and hyewon. “we’ll discuss the terms of the contract and then i’ll give you the tour, alright?”

once the discussion began, yuri realised having a lawyer (well, a lawyer-to-be) for a best friend was really the best thing she could’ve asked for. hyewon was there to ask all the difficult questions about work hours and profit distribution, which joohyun always answered with a gracious smile on her face. once hyewon nodded at yuri, signifying her satisfaction with the terms, yuri was more than ready to sign the contract.

“we look forward to working with you, jo yuri,” joohyun held out her hand, which yuri gladly took. “now, if there’s nothing else, i’d be happy to show you around!”

yuri nodded, walking toward the glass door. in her excitement, she walked out a little too fast, not even registering the person walking down the outside hallway. as yuri exited the room, she felt herself collide with the stranger, who dropped her phone in shock.

“what the—”

the voice sounded familiar—it was a girl, for sure, and her voice had a low, husky tone that yuri was sure she’d heard somewhere before. however, yuri, in her panic, didn’t bother to look at the girl, instead bending to pick up the phone, internally cursing her stupidity.

“i-i’m so sorry, did i break your phone?” she asked, finally looking up to pass it over. the girl gaped back at her, clearly in shock, but yuri wasn’t focusing on her features. “b-because i c-can pay to fix it, i-if you n—”

she paused mid-sentence, seeing the girl’s face and realising why the voice was so familiar.

“w-what… what are you d-doing here?” she gasped, instinctively taking several steps back.

“m-me? i… i w-work here… wh-what are _you_ doing here?” choi yena shot back shakily.

joohyun walked out of the meeting room, instantly noticing yena.

“oh, yena! i didn’t expect to see you here!” she said, oblivious to the tension.

“what?” yena said, voice strained like she’d been holding her breath, “o-oh yeah, right. i’m here… uh… for something… but um…” she slowly turned to look at joohyun, who shot her a concerned look.

“are you… okay?” she asked, despite the look of shock, panic and confusion still etched on yena’s face.

“uh… yeah! yeah, i am! totally, well and truly fine!” yena squeaked. she turned back to yuri, taking the phone out of her hands and bowing a little.

“s-sorry about that… i’ll just… i mean… i-i’ll just like… i’ll just get going, yeah?” she mumbled, avoiding yuri’s eyes and scurrying away.

joohyun watched with confused eyes as yena all but sprinted down the hallway. “weird. she’s not normally like that,” she mumbled.

yuri turned her attention to joohyun, who had now stepped into the hallway. “she… she works here?” yuri asked rather timidly, and joohyun nodded.

“yeah, not many people know that choi yena’s signed with us now, but she is. we bought out her old company a few months back so she works here now,” the older woman explained, but yuri was only half-listening.

hyewon emerged from the meeting room, a couple of candy bars in her hand that she definitely didn’t have before. “y’ don’t mind if i take these, right?” hyewon asked, even though she was already halfway through eating one. joohyun shook her head, and hyewon grinned back. she glanced at yuri, whose mouth still hung open, and furrowed her brows.

“what’s up with her?” she whispered to joohyun, who shrugged.

“yul,” hyewon said, snapping her fingers, and yuri jumped. “what’re you doing? c’mon, let’s go, i’m dying to get a tour.”

“r-right, yeah, we should do that… let’s go?” she said, looking at joohyun, who nodded and began talking as she led them down the corridor.

but all yuri could think about was yena.

-

_“look, yen, it’s snowing!”_

_yuri broke away from yena, childlike wonder on her face as she ran around the park, head tilted upward and hands outstretched to catch the snow._

_in yena’s opinion, the snow was unimpressive; it barely snowed in seoul, and when it did it came in pathetic amounts, but just seeing how excited yuri was made her stomach fluttery and her lips tug upwards. it never snowed in busan, she knew that for a fact, so this must’ve been yuri’s first time with snow._

_“d’you think we can build a snowman?” yuri asked, eyes bright and hopeful._

_“i don’t think it snows enough for that,” yena replied, and yuri’s face fell. “b-but don’t be sad! we can still wait and see!” she added hastily._

_“i’m holding you to that,” yuri pouted._

_“hey, why me! i can’t control the snow!” yena argued playfully, and yuri giggled and linked arms with her again._

_“let’s go home?” she said, “i wanna snuggle with you to get warm. and maybe watch some rom-coms while we’re at it.”_

_the two of them strolled forward, eyes fixed on each other. “you’re a sap,” yena sighed._

_“and you love me for it.”_

_“hmm, do i?” yena laughed, enjoying yuri’s pout._

_“yeah, you do! you keep acting like a tough duckie but we all know you’re soft as hell inside.”_

_“i’m only soft for you, yul,” yena said, clasping her hand with yuri’s._

_“ew, gross. who’s the sap now?”_

_both of them laughed, and in that moment, there was no one else in the world but the two of them, hand-in-hand and eyes locked on each other. yena brushed aside yuri’s bangs to plant a kiss on her forehead, and yuri felt her whole face heat up._

_“i love, you, jo yuri.”_

-

“you okay?” hyewon asked.

“yeah, of course, why?” yuri replied, getting into the car.

“i dunno, but you’ve been acting weird since the meeting ended. did anything happen?”

yuri shook her head, and hyewon gave her an unconvinced look. “sure, yul, whatever you say,” she sighed, starting the engine.

the ride home was silent, with hyewon driving and yuri starring out the window. seeing yena had triggered _something_ in her, because now her heart ached and her head hurt and her eyes were blurry. she thought back to simpler times, before The Incident, when she was happy with yena. before she’d gone and ruined it all.

somehow, she found a tear falling from her face.

“i love you too, choi yena.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ssonghayoungs?s=20)
> 
> leave a kudos if you enjoyed <3 thanks for all the support, it really means a lot


	6. ch 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chaewon knew that look all too well; yena always found herself in that same position every time she had a yuri-related breakdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wanna let you guys know that i read every single comment and that some of you guys are so nice i'm literally in TEARS
> 
> anyway once again it's 3 am and this is the product of my procrastination so enjoy lmao
> 
> [how can i love the heartbreak, you're the one i love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3DZsBw5bnE) by akmu (my favourite emo hours song)

“you rang?”

the front door of yena’s apartment swung open, and there stood chaewon, carrying two six-packs of beer with one arm and pushing the door open with the other. when she failed to find yena in the living room, a tired sigh escaped her lips. dumping the beer and the spare keys on the kitchen counter, she went over to yena’s bedroom, gingerly pushing the door open.

“yena?”

sure enough, she was there, lying huddled in the far corner of the room and staring blankly ahead at nothing in particular. chaewon knew that look all too well; yena always found herself in that same position every time she had a yuri-related breakdown. taking in a deep breath, she walked over to yena, quietly sitting cross-legged beside her and stroking her hair.

there was several minutes of silent comfort before yena spoke.

“she’s back, chae,” she said, voice barely a whisper. “she… she’s back, a-and she’s signed with the company now, and i… i don’t know what to do…”

“did she see you?” chaewon asked, to which yena laughed bitterly.

“see me? chae, we had the worst possible post-breakup interaction. she bumped into me and i panicked and lost my shit and ran away… she still doesn’t want to see me. it was written all over her face.”

chaewon began playing with yena’s hair, twirling locks of it between her fingers. “suffice to say you never really got over her, huh?”

“what gave it away?” yena asked, and both girls chuckled.

“i think,” chaewon said, gaze fixed on her lap, “that you would never have really gotten over her. and that isn’t inherently bad, unnie. you guys were so in love, y’know? it made the rest of us happy just looking at you guys. memories and feelings like that… they… they can’t just be forgotten. it would just be so… _wrong_ … so um, i guess what i’m trying to say is… don’t force yourself to be okay at the sight of her, okay? because we all get it. the wound’s still fresh. you still love her, and that’s fine.”

there was a soft sniff and a quiet ‘thanks’ when she finished speaking, neither of which went unnoticed by chaewon, who smiled sadly and continued playing with yena’s hair. no words were needed; they understood each other far too well for that.

when she thought yena was ready, chaewon stood abruptly, clearing her throat.

“not to ruin the moment or anything, but i bought a crap ton of beer with the intention of getting stupidly drunk, and it’s sitting outside kinda sadly right now…”

yena laughed, really, _truly,_ laughed, and chaewon couldn’t stop the smile that crept onto her face.

 _she’s gonna be okay,_ the voice in her head said, and she couldn’t help but agree.

-

_the worst bits of winter had passed, but that didn’t make it any less cold than it had previously been. in her nearly floor-length coat, chaewon jogged around the city, screaming yena’s name whenever she could catch her breath._

_“that idiot!” she mumbled under her breath, pulling out her phone with frozen fingers. wonyoung’s caller id covered the screen, which she picked up immediately._

_“did you find her?” she yelled into the phone, not giving wonyoung a chance to speak._

_“no, we checked the university and circled her block a couple more times— yujin,_ please _stop crying—what was i saying? oh yeah, she isn’t there at all. any luck on your end?”_

_“none at all, she isn’t at all her usual bars, and chaeyeon hasn’t seen her either,” chaewon replied. she hadn’t been panicking before, assuming yena had gone for a quick drink, but now the worry was really starting to kick in._

_“do you have_ any _ideas where she could have gone? did she say anything at all?” chaewon asked, tugging at her hair in frustration._

_“well… i’ll ask yujin, she was there for the m—”_

_wonyoung was cut off suddenly, and there was rustling from the other end of the line, presumably someone (yujin) snatching the phone._

_“UNNIE!” yujin screamed. chaewon jumped, nearly dropping her phone._

_“i… i just had a thought… yena, y-yesterday, she… she said she was going to find yuri in busan and talk to her, b-but i thought she was joking so i didn’t mention it earlier…”_

_if the situation weren’t so dire, chaewon would have facepalmed. “yujin, she just got dumped by the love of her life, why would she be joking? ugh, never mind, we- i don’t have time for this now, okay? i’m going to the station. you guys keep looking.”_

_and so, chaewon broke into a run, not even bothering to hail a cab. it was nearly one in the morning, anyway, so she had better chances of running and catching yena than waiting for a cab._

_“stupid, stupid, stupid choi yena!”_

_she arrived at the station faster than she’d expected, mentally thanking minju for dragging her to the gym. without even giving herself a chance to catch her breath, she began screaming yena’s name again, running around the station building as she did so and scanning the surroundings. somehow, she found herself dumping a heap of cash with the lady at the booth and running onto the platform without hearing what she had to say._

_in the corner of her vision, she caught a tiny figure stumbling around, wearing a thin hoodie over her pyjamas and looking like she was about to jump onto the tracks._

_“yena!” chaewon cried, running over before yena had the chance to do anything dumb. yena looked up at a fuming, panicking chaewon and began to giggle._

_“chaewonnie! you’re here! c’mon, come help me… ‘m trying to get to yul… in yangsan… no… busan… and then ‘m g’nna talk to her… and… and get her back!” she slurred. chaewon felt her chest tighten with anger. she stomped over to yena, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her._

_“choi yena!” her voice was firm, her grip tight. “will you get yourself together!”_

_the dazed look in yena’s eyes vanished and she met chaewon’s narrowed ones. her eyes grew glossy; her shoulders began to sag in chaewon’s arms, but chaewon didn’t relax._

_“i can’t do that,” yena said simply. “she—she left me, and i need to find out why—”_

_“she’s gone, yena!” chaewon spat. “she’s gone, and she isn’t coming back, a-and i wish she wasn’t, but she’s_ gone. _you need to move on, have you lost your fucking mind?”_

_“maybe i have!” yena yelled. her words echoed through the station hauntingly, piercing chaewon’s heart each time she heard it. “maybe i have, chae! you don’t get it, because you have minju, and t-the two of you are so goddamn happy, a-and perfect all the fucking time… a-and i just got dumped and i don’t fucking k-know what to do, so maybe i have lost my mind, chae!”_

_chaewon flinched and looked down, tears pricking at her eyes. yena noticed and went noticeably limper in her grip._

_“i—i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it like—”_

_“no, yena, you’re right,” chaewon cut her off, tears free-falling from her face now. she looked up, meeting yena’s gaze and seeing the older girl crying too._

_“you’re right, yena. we don’t get it. none of us do, and we won’t ever get it, a-and we’re sorry. but you’re hurting yourself, and you’re hurting us, and it’s killing me that i can see my best friend breaking herself apart but i can’t do anything to stop it, d’you know that? p-please, yena, for our sake, please don’t do anything dumb! we might not get it now, but we’re willing to listen and share the pain, okay? you don’t have to get through this alone!”_

_her voice broke as she finished her sentence, but evidently yena had understood, because she fell to her knees, beginning to sob and wail. chaewon knelt to her level, wrapping her arms around the older girl and hugging her as tightly as she could._

_“i-i’m… i’m s-s-sorry,” yena blubbered, body shaking._

_“don’t apologise,” chaewon closed her eyes, letting the tears run down her face as she patted the back of yena’s head. “don’t apologise, okay? we were all worried, is all…”_

_yena continued to cry into chaewon’s shoulder, and all the while chaewon stroked her back encouragingly, though she, too, was in tears._

_“l-let’s get you home?” chaewon said shakily once yena’s sobs had begun to subside, to which yena nodded and broke apart from the hug._

_a million thoughts were racing through her head and there was so much she wanted to say, but in that moment all yena could get out was a choked ‘thank you’._

_it was more than enough for chaewon._

-

“what’re you doing?”

lying on her bed, yuri yelped, not noticing that hyewon had come over. noticing hyewon’s eyes trail over to the picture on her phone, yuri stuffed it under her pillow.

“n-nothing! i’m not doing anything! d-do you see me doing anything? haha, didn’t think so!”

hyewon narrowed her eyes, clearly unconvinced. “whatever you say, yul,” she sighed, “but you’ve been acting weird.”

“me? weird? don’t know what you’re talking about,” yuri said, sitting up and reaching for the cup of water on her nightstand.

“yeah, right. you desperately need to get laid,” hyewon deadpanned. yuri spat out her water, sending herself into a choking fit.

“w-what?” she stammered once she had regained her cool. “dude, gross!”

hyewon, apparently, found this hilarious, leaving the room in a fit of laughter. “you’re adorable when you panic.”

yuri sighed. “why are you here, anyway?” she called from her room, reaching for her phone again.

“your switch, why else? _someone_ needs to salvage your animal crossing account!”

snorting a little, yuri unlocked her phone, scrolling back to what she’d been looking at before: a compilation of yena’s best variety moments. truth to be told, she watched these kinds of videos on an almost-daily basis, sometimes re-watching older clips when she was bored.

 _it helps pass the time_ was the explanation she gave herself, but anyone would tell her that was a blatant lie.

midway through the video her phone beeped with a message from the ceo, which she immediately clicked on.

 **_ceo-nim:_ ** _Hello (: To get you accustomed to the company, we’ll be asking a senior to help you for the first few months and give you advice_

(yuri found it rather strange, how she typed with auto-caps and backwards smiley faces, but she didn’t say anything).

 **_ceo-nim:_ ** _Although the senior helping you isn’t a singer themselves; we still hope you can get comfortable with her and ask her any questions you need (:_

 _no problem!_ yuri sent back. _who are they?_

 **_ceo-nim:_ ** _You met her the other day, Choi Yena will be helping you around._

yuri dropped her phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ssonghayoungs?s=20)  
> leave a kudos if you enjoyed <3  
> also if you have any feedback just leave a comment i'm always looking for ways to improve !!!


	7. ch 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuri giggled, and for a moment it was just like old times.  
> time always found a way to fly by when she was with yuri. the moment was over as suddenly as it began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> longer chapter this time because i got a bunch of homework done so i had a bit more time to flesh this one out... hopefully yall like it because i'm really happy with how this turned out (also it it's only 1am this time which is a win for my sleep schedule)
> 
> on a bit of an unrelated note, i miss online school lmao. covid cases started going down a while back so i've been back to school for a month at this point and i'd honestly forgotten how exhausting school was lol
> 
> ok i've rambled long enough here's the chapter  
> [red thread](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAGFbdiXhuU) by oneus

in a small meeting room tucked into the corner of off the record entertainment’s building, there sat two people on opposite ends of the table, desperately wishing they were anywhere else. neither of them dared to so much as look at each other, let alone address the elephant in the room—their senior-junior relationship was off to a simply great start.

yena stole a glance upwards at yuri, who was fidgeting with her fingers and pressing her lips together in a firm line, occasionally pushing her round glasses further up her nose.

 _those cheeks have to be my greatest weakness,_ she thought, but for obvious reasons she refused to say it aloud.

_if you miss her so much then just fucking talk to her, you useless gay._

the chaewon voice in her head had made a terribly unexpected comeback at the worst possible time. “i can’t just do that!” yena mumbled to herself, too soft and too far away for yuri to hear.

 _but this is literally the perfect opportunity! it’s just the two of you, and she’s right THERE, the universe is_ trying _to help you, so will you please just talk to her?_

“and say what? ‘hi, yuri, i know this is the second time we’ve met in seven months since you dumped me, but i just want you to know that even though you didn’t tell me to, i’ve been waiting for you to come back and for us to get back together every single day since then’?”

 _exactly!_ the voice said, and yena almost facepalmed.

“you’re terrible at plans,” she whispered to nobody (thankfully yuri still hadn’t heard her, or if she did, she wasn’t giving any indication of it).

 _i’m you, after all,_ the voice deadpanned.

yena was snapped out of her thoughts by yuri clearing her throat. yena looked up at the younger girl, who had nervously brought her clasped hands up onto the table while inhaling deeply.

“uh, hi,” she said awkwardly, to which yuri nodded.

“hi.”

 _tell! her!_ chaewon-voice said through gritted teeth. yena prepared herself to do just that, planning exactly what she was going to say and trying desperately to hyper herself up enough to speak.

“yuri, i—”

“i think—”

they spoke at the same time, both immediately flushing red and cutting themselves off. chaewon-voice sighed. _why!! are you living!!! in a fucking k-drama!!!! i’m trying to help you here!!!!!!_

yena paid the voice no heed, instead looking shyly at yuri. “y-you go first,” she said, and yuri smiled.

“t-thanks. i-i was just gonna say… i know we have history, and stuff… a-and don’t get me wrong! i really treasured those days! b-but i think we’re really awkward now, and we need to be way more professional if we ever want to get anything done…”

“s-so what you’re saying is…”

“i-i’m saying… can we start over? a-as colleagues, and keep it professional…”

yena could see that there was more yuri wanted to say, but she stopped talking.

 _so she’s just_ not _going to address the elephant in the room? no apology? no ‘sorry for dumping you’? no ‘can we be friends again’? wow._

yena mentally told the voice in her head to kindly shut up, which it did (albeit with much grumbling).

“i-i-i mean… sure…” yena stammered. if you didn’t know her, you’d have thought she was a ten-year-old getting scolded by her crush and not a well-respected comedian.

“i—thank you, sunbaenim,” yuri said, standing up and bowing.

sunbaenim.

the word echoed in yena’s ears over and over and over again; it was like getting her heart broken yet again. was this really how it would go down? months of waiting, just to be nothing more to yuri than a senior in the same label.

somehow, it hurt almost as much as that night at the train station.

“i, uh, i mean… you’re welcome, i guess?” yena somehow found it in her to speak, but there was still so much left unsaid between them that it was a miracle she didn’t just break out crying.

yuri, head bowed, had picked up her things and was about to walk out the door.

“w-wait!” yena cried. yuri whipped around in surprise, meeting her eyes.

“do you… do you want to go out for drinks? i-it’s my treat, i-i’ll buy you bubble tea, or something… just as a, like, welcome back, i guess?”

yuri was visibly taken aback by the question, mouth dropping open a little. she stared at yena for a few moments, collecting her thoughts, before seemingly making up her mind and nodding a little.

yena’s face brightened instantly. “g-great!” she half-exclaimed, realising a little too late that she sounded over-excited. “i know this place just round the corner, let’s go then!”

they walked to the shop together, and it took all the willpower she had to resist the urge (habit?) to hold yuri’s hand. they walked an arm’s length apart, silent and awkward.

it was almost a relief when they arrived.

“i’ll have a chocolate milk tea with pearls and milk foam,” yena told the employee. “and she’ll have a lemon yoghurt with pearls, please.”

yuri’s mouth hung open in shock. “y-you remember my order?” she asked as the employee placed the cup on the counter. yena glanced over at her before realising, _oh wait, maybe i should have just let her order herself._

“w-wait, s-sorry, it was an instinct… d-did you want something else?”

yuri shook her head, picking up the drink. “n-no! i was gonna order this anyway, i… i guess i was just surprised that you still remembered it…”

 _i don’t ever want to forget,_ yena almost said, but she stopped herself.

“of course i remember,” she said instead, sipping her own drink. “you ordered it at least every week for a whole three years, how could i forget?”

yuri giggled, and for a moment it was just like old times.

time always found a way to fly by when she was with yuri.

they finished their drinks, and the moment was over as suddenly as it began.

-

yuri trudged up the stairs and unlocked her front door, mentally exhausted from the effort of acting fine in front of yena. she turned on the lights, dumping her bag by the door, only to see a person sitting on her couch.

screaming, yuri jumped backwards, very nearly falling from the shock. it took her a few seconds to register that not only was the person now walking towards her, but also that it was a very familiar face.

“n-nako?” she whimpered, back pressed against the door.

“damn right i am! what are you screaming for!”

“w-w-what do you _mean,_ why am i screaming! you were in my _house_! in the _dark_! i didn’t even know you were in korea!”

“fair point,” nako chuckled, “but it’s been ages since i last saw you and i wanted to surprise you! i came by earlier, but you weren’t home, although your tall friend hyewon was, and she thought my plan was hilarious so she gave me her keys!”

“of course she did,” yuri muttered, finally peeling herself off her front door and shuffling over to the kitchen. “i think i have a couple of capri-suns, you want some?”

and that was how yuri found herself drinking capri-suns on the couch with her much shorter college roommate.

“how’s hii-chan?” yuri asked, referring to nako’s girlfriend. the two of them had somehow endured a long-distance relationship while nako studied in korea, a feat which earned nako much of yuri’s admiration. hitomi must’ve stayed in japan while nako came over for whatever reason.

“she’s fine! we’re fine, everything’s going great! though i suppose the same can’t be said for you and yena.”

yuri froze.

“h-how’d you know?”

“sakura told me. really, yuri, you should be asking how come i didn’t find out sooner, seeing as yena’s literally friends with my best friend.”

“i guess i forgot,” yuri sighed, setting her juice pack on the coffee table and hugging her knees to her chest on the couch.

“not to question your choices or anything, yuri, but why’d you do it? you guys were together for what, two years—”

“three,” yuri mumbled, “nearly four.”

“right,” nako continued. “three years. you were together for three years, and you guys were so perfect and so happy together the whole time… what _happened?_ ”

“i-i don’t know.”

yuri’s vision was getting blurry again; she knew she’d wake up the next day with puffy eyes.

“i don’t know why i did it, nako, a-and i feel so stupid all the time, because i know i trampled her heart, b-but i don’t even know if at the end of the day it achieved what i wanted it to…”

“what did you hope would happen, then?”

“it’s a long story.”

“i have time,” nako shot back.

“well, good for you.”

“yuri.” nako’s voice was firmer now. “yuri, do you really want to keep this bottled up alone? you don’t have to, y’know. i’m here, and i want to help you feel better, because evidently you’re not over it.” yuri gaped at nako, who met her gaze with a firm, unmoving stare.

there was silence for a while, and then yuri began to speak.

“i… i think you’d gone back to japan at that point… but there was one day when we woke up, a-and suddenly yena’s stand-up segment was all over the internet… she was so _happy,_ nako, y’know that? she walked around with the biggest smile on her face, and she was so happy meeting her fans and going to shootings… and m-me? i was no one.” yuri began to sniff, and nako wordlessly handed her a few tissues from the coffee table.

“so you were jealous?” nako asked, not an ounce of judgement in her voice. yuri shook her head.

“i was a dead weight to her career, nako. and no matter how much she or anyone told me that i wasn’t, it just didn’t help; somehow i’d always end up back where i began, feeling like she’d be better off without me… it didn’t really help that she kept telling me i was gonna do _so well_ as a singer either, because then i just felt l-l-like—”

yuri cut herself off, a sob wracking her body. nako scooted closer, putting a comforting arm around her and rubbing her shoulder.

“sorry,” yuri sniffed.

“don’t apologise.”

when she was ready to speak again, yuri wiped the tears from her eyes. her accent was wild and uncontrolled now, like it always was when she cried, but nako understood her just fine.

“i felt like i’d never be able to l-live up to her expectations of me, and that m-must sound so stupid, because she probably d-didn’t have any, r-right? but every time she complimented m-me i felt like i’d have to work even harder to m-make her proud, and i guess repay her f-for all the support.”

yuri broke into another fit of sobs, and nako tucked her bangs aside for her, massaging her back.

“shh, let it all out,” nako encouraged.

“y-you’re the best roommate ever, nako.”

-

_“i have something for you.”_

_yuri looked up from her piano to find yena standing shyly before her, hands clasped behind her back. her hair was recently dyed purple, and yuri found her effortlessly beautiful, even just standing there doing nothing._

_“for me?”_

_“yeah,” yena said, bringing her hands in front to reveal a velvet box. “d-don’t panic! i’m not proposing… not yet, at least…”_

_yuri laughed, and yena’s face brightened at the sight. she opened the box to reveal two simple silver rings._

_“they’re promise rings, and i know you don’t like stuff that’s too flashy, so i just got something simple… it has our anniversary on it, i-if that isn’t too cheesy… y-you don’t even have to wear it if you don’t want to! i just thought it’d be cool…”_

_yuri stood from the stool, marching over to yena and tiptoeing to kiss her lips._

_“they’re beautiful, yen!” yuri truly meant it. yena pulled her closer, setting the box on the piano as she pressed their foreheads together and took the ring out of yuri’s hands._

_“promise me we’ll be together forever?” whispered yena, taking yuri’s hands in hers._

_“i promise,” yuri said, letting yena slip the ring onto her finger. their anniversary date, engraved into the outer surface, glinted in the light of the practice room._

_“what about you? d’you promise me you’ll always be here with me?” yuri asked, eyes starry._

_“you don’t even have to ask.”_

-

yuri had fallen asleep on the couch while crying, and nako, being the good friend that she was, resolved to carry her back to her bedroom and tuck her in. unfortunately, even someone as tiny as yuri was still much bigger than nako, and the task proved to be much easier said than done.

grunting as she finally laid yuri down, nako sat on the edge of her bed, catching her breath and letting her gaze trail over to her ex-roommate. the way her chest rose and fell with every breath gave the illusion of a peaceful sleep, even though nako knew she that couldn’t be farther from the truth. yuri’s eyes were red and raw, almost certain to puff up in the morning; every then and again she would sniff a little, and a little tear would escape her shut eyes. 

“dumbass,” nako sighed. she was about to turn off the lights when she noticed a glint from yuri’s neck. curious, she walked closer to examine it.

an elegant, simple silver chain hung from yuri’s neck, having fallen out of her shirt while nako was carrying her. interestingly, it lacked a pendant: instead, there was a silver ring hanging from the end, slightly scratched with age and with a few numbers engraved into it.

nako shook her head knowingly, brushing a few strands of black hair out of her face and helping her tuck the ring back into her shirt.

“i knew it,” she smiled.

“goodnight, yuri.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ssonghayoungs?s=20)  
> leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed <3  
> thank you for all the really nice comments!! i'll keep trying to improve :D


	8. ch 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuri had long since accepted that she was a terrible dancer (despite yena insisting otherwise), and today only served to cement that notion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha funny....... i meant to post this a lot sooner i swear.... i just couldn't finish it before school started but it's here now so enjoy!
> 
> [cassette](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SawmpMTDHc) by demian

from her spot in the recording studio, yena was transfixed on yuri. 

the younger girl was in the booth, eyes closed in concentration as she belted notes for her debut single. 

this was her dream, and it was captivating. 

yuri’s voice was amazing — even back in university, when she was still inexperienced, it had the almost magical ability to make people _feel_. if yuri sang bright, happy notes, her voice would give you the serotonin boost you needed for the day; if she sang sorrowful, melancholy tunes, her voice would pierce even the coldest of hearts, drawing tears from everyone in the vicinity. in a way, yena supposes yuri was born to sing, and she loved watching and listening to yuri immersing herself in the song, really pouring her heart into it. 

yena didn’t realise she was staring until yuri walked out of the booth, shutting the door with a click. 

“hey,” she said shyly, bowing her head. 

“hey!” yena replied, jumping a little. “that was amazing!”

yuri turned pink, avoiding yena’s eyes, but she couldn’t stop the little grin that formed on her face. 

“y-you really think so? i was kinda nervous, i didn’t think i’d be able to record it well, a-and i still think i could have done better.”

yena had to physically restrain herself from kissing yuri right then and there. “i think you did great!” she said instead, cursing her habits, “i mean, as someone who’s been here listening to your singing from almost the very start, i think you’ve improved loads since then! n-not that you were bad back then, though! you sounded great either way, a-and... i’m rambling again...” yena trailed off, scratching the back of her neck sheepishly, and yuri laughed. 

“you haven’t changed a bit.”

“w-what does that mean? i-is that a good thing?” yena stuttered, terrified that she’d made a fool of herself.

“y-yes, it’s a great thing! it just shows that despite everything you’ve… gone through…” yuri quietened slightly, but yena didn’t seem to notice, “…t-that you’ve still managed to stay the same amount of bright and bubbly. and i like that a lot!”

yena’s face remained unreadable for a few seconds, but after a while her face began to shift into the beginnings of a grin.

“i- uh, thank you,” she said, semi-awkwardly, wringing her hands.

after a bit of silence, she cleared her throat, gesturing out of the studio. “uh, this has been a great moment, and stuff, but you’re about to be late for dance practice and we really need to get going.”

“d-dance practice?” yuri asked, voice trembling, but she walked out anyway. “yena, i can’t dance!”

yena smiled, leading her down the hall. “you’re gonna be an idol, yul— er, yuri… and that means you’ll have choreography for your song. don’t worry, though! i took a look at the demo and it doesn’t look too hard.”

“coming from you,” yuri scoffed, and yena laughed.

“what, don’t trust my judgement?” she said.

“n-no, i do! it’s just that you’re a really good dancer, and we have very different definitions of ‘hard’.”

“you weren’t too bad yourself! remember your graduation party? when you, saerom, jiwon and seoyeon twerked to whistle?”

“oh my god, don’t remind me!” yuri laughed, “i was drunk on like, six different kinds of drinks.”

“still! you were pretty good!” yena smiled fondly, suddenly stopping, and it was only then that yuri realised they’d reached the dance studio. yena held the door open for her, checking her phone. “we’re just on time. you can get ready first, if you need, and i’ll be here if you need any help.”

yuri froze mid-step, all the leftover euphoria from the previous conversation suddenly disappearing. “h-here, as in… watching me? y-you don’t have to waste your time with that.”

there was silence for a bit as yena pulled herself a chair, all the while oblivious to yuri’s eyes fixed on her.

“i don’t mind waiting,” yena said simply, and she wished there wasn’t a double meaning to that. 

the door swung open, and both yena and yuri turned to look at the newcomer. 

“hi, sorry i’m late… i was planning to come earlier to set up, but the traffic was terrible today.”

yuri gasped, staring at the woman before her. 

“c-chaeyeon...? you’re my choreographer?”

chaeyeon looked at yuri, brows furrowing. “well, yeah,” she replied, as if it were a simple fact. “i’m the best around, of course they’re gonna hire me.”

“i’ll just get started, then,” chaeyeon said rather awkwardly when no one responded. yuri blinked a little, but she seemed to regain her senses and got ready for practice.

-

yuri had long since accepted that she was a terrible dancer (despite yena thinking otherwise), and that day’s dance lesson only cemented that notion.

after a painful hour of stumbling and careless mis-steps, yuri had pretty much memorised chaeyeon’s forced smile, correcting her fumbles with a strained, passive-aggressive tone.

“sorry,” yuri mumbled for the nth time. she’d just stumbled over her own feet again, and she was more than ready for the exasperated sigh that escaped chaeyeon’s lips.

“you don’t need to say sorry,” chaeyeon sighed, “just get it right next time.” yuri nodded dumbly, following chaeyeon’s steps in the mirror.

somehow, she found her eyes wandering over to yena’s reflection.

yena’s eyes were dazed and unfocused as she sat, arms crossed, on the chair, gazing over at yuri and chaeyeon. there was something oddly nostalgic in that image; yuri remembered when she used to spend hours at the piano and yena would stop by after class, exhausted and stoning.

“yuri? pay attention,” chaeyeon snapped, and it was only then that yuri realised she’d stopped dancing.

“i—” yuri began, but she was cut off by the sound of a chair scraping against the ground. she turned around to see yena out of her seat, face flushed as she awkwardly shuffled towards the door.

“i, uh… toilet break,” she mumbled, leaving before either of them could protest, leaving yuri alone with chaeyeon. yuri watched yena leave, her gaze fixed on the door even after she’d left.

“stop staring at her,” chaeyeon practically growled, and yuri jumped.

“w-wha—”

“don’t act dumb, yuri. you dumped her. stop staring at her like you want her back.”

yuri spluttered, taking a step back.

“i… i think you’ve misunderstood…”

“misunderstood what? you leaving her?” yuri was caught off guard by the pure, unfiltered anger in chaeyeon’s voice. “tell me then, jo yuri, why did you leave her like that, without any explanation? why did you spend _three fucking years_ of your life with her and throw it all out the window just like that? why did you leave us, your _friends,_ behind?”

yuri couldn’t find the words to answer.

“do you know how heartbroken yena was? how heartbroken we were? i was the one who set you up with yena – do you know how terrible i felt? and you think you can just waltz back into our lives without so much as an apology?”

a tense silence filled the room when chaeyeon finished. yuri felt her vision cloud with tears, but chaeyeon held her glare.

the door creaked open, and yuri didn’t have to turn around to know it was yena.

“did anything happen?” she asked, the sound of her footsteps moving to the back of the room.

“no, yena. everything’s fine,” chaeyeon said, turning her attention back to the mirror. “but i think we can end the session here for today and let yuri go home… i’m sure she has a _lot_ to think about.”

yuri blinked away her tears, mustering up a smile as she turned to the back of the room. yena looked at her worriedly, opening her mouth to speak, but yuri widened her smile as she marched over to her things, and yena fell silent.

“see you next week,” chaeyeon said, leaving the room.

with chaeyeon gone, yena turned to yuri. “are you okay? you look like—”

“i’m fine,” yuri said curtly, shooting yena a small smile. “i just… i need to go.” she ran out the door and down the corridor to the lobby before yena could stop her.

“w-wait! yuri!” yena cried, running after her. “i-i have something to tell you!”

yuri quickened her pace when she heard yena’s footsteps echoing behind her. “i… i’m busy!” she called back.

“it won’t take long, just wait up!” yena reached for yuri, grabbing her by the wrist. they were in the main hall of the building now, and confused employees stared at them as they walked past.

“i… yuri, i want you to know that—”

“is something going on here?”

yena looked at the newcomer’s voice, finding a tall, strikingly beautiful woman who had walked in from the drop-off area. her voice was soft and soothing, but her face remained cold, especially in her gaze toward yena.

“i—no, i’m sorry,” yena mumbled, letting go of yuri’s wrist when she realised how stupid she looked.

“good to know. yuri, shall we go?” the woman said, linking her hand in yuri’s.

“you guys know each other?” she asked, mouth agape.

“y-yeah. yena, this is hyewon. she… we moved back to seoul together so that she could pursue a law career,” yuri explained, and yena noted how hyewon’s gaze softened when she looked at yuri.

“we also came back because of your singing career. it was just good timing,” hyewon added. she turned back to yena, looking her up and down, and in that moment yena felt all-too-small. all she could do was stare at yuri and hyewon’s interlinked hands, her heart dropping in her chest.

“who are you, anyway?” hyewon asked harshly, and yena flinched.

“she’s choi yena. the comedian, remember? she’s helping me adjust to the company,” yuri said. hyewon shot yena an unconvinced look which sent yena’s cheeks flushing with anger.

“i-i’m also yuri’s ex-girlfriend.”

the words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop herself, and for a second hyewon looked genuinely surprised.

“y-you?” hyewon spluttered. yena glowered back.

“yeah, me! and what about it?”

“nothing, it’s just that—”

“hyewon, we should go,” yuri said suddenly, but she said it so firmly that both girls turned to stare at her. “thank you, yena, for today. but i think we should go now.” yuri tugged at hyewon’s arm, shooting her an unreadable look.

“w- yeah, okay, whatever,” hyewon sighed.

“bye, yena,” yuri smiled, walking away with hyewon. yena waved weakly, but she knew yuri wasn’t looking.

standing alone in the lobby of the company building, she felt her heart shatter even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ssonghayoungs)  
> a lot is going on in the world rn, [read up](https://linktr.ee/human.rights.issues) about it and see how you can help
> 
> also i'll be really busy for the next few weeks so i have no idea when the next chapter will be out... but i'll try my best not to go mia again!!!


	9. ch 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "yena, you're drunk," yuri said firmly. from the other end of the line, she could hear faint, sing-song laughter and yena giggling something incoherent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been trying to keep a consistent writing schedule but school absolutely hates me. i've got finals coming up so once again the next update might be a while away.
> 
> today's my birthday so here's a fun song for once  
> [end of spring](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEX1uzPK6kw) by onewe

she should have known yuri had moved on.

she’d never really gotten an answer from yuri, and yena supposed it was a just a delusional side of herself stubbornly holding onto something she couldn’t salvage.

eyes trained on yuri and hyewon’s backs until they faded into the crowd, yena found herself struggling to breathe; the walls felt like they were closing in around her. her legs trembled, about to give way, when—

“yena?”

a warm hand held her shoulder gently, and yena was suddenly very aware that she was still in public. turning around slowly, yena found herself face-to-face with chaeyeon, chestnut brown eyes boring into hers worriedly.

“ch-chaeyeon,” yena stammered, looking at the ground. “i thought you’d left.”

“i was just on my way out, actually. i went to talk to joohyun about yuri’s debut schedule.”

chaeyeon noted the way yena flinched when she said yuri’s name, and between that and the heartbroken look on yena’s face, it told her everything she needed to know.

“c’mon,” chaeyeon said simply, turning yena’s body back towards the double glass doors and pushing her forward.

“where are we going?” yena asked, but she moved anyway.

“drinks, on me. you’ve had a rough week and you deserve it.”

“i—”

“no protests,” chaeyeon added, leading yena to her car, “i think you really need some time to unwind.”

-

the ride back to yuri’s apartment was unbearably quiet – hyewon, for once, wasn’t humming along to the radio. yuri, on her part, stared blankly ahead in the passenger seat, barely registering what was happening around her.

“so,” hyewon finally said, clearing her throat. yuri looked over at hyewon, who sat uncharacteristically stiffly in her seat, eyes trained ahead as she drove.

“you dated choi yena, huh?” her speech was curt and unfeeling; yuri could see her lawyer-ness in action.

“yes,” yuri said, mirroring hyewon’s tone. “for almost four years. we broke up seven months ago before i moved back to busan.”

“i can’t help but feel like they’re related.”

yuri scoffed, slumping in her seat. hyewon didn’t know what had happened; the two of them had been roommates while yuri was looking for a new place in busan, and yuri didn’t feel the need to pour her heart out to a complete stranger.

of course, they quickly got much closer, but yuri still didn’t feel the need to tell hyewon anything.

“so i’m right then?” hyewon said, suddenly very pushy. “but i don’t get why you’d leave four years of love behind because of _that_.”

“can we not talk about this right now?” yuri snapped. hyewon’s knuckles whitened around the steering wheel. yuri didn’t know why she was so mad – she _knew_ hyewon was just curious, and apart from being a little mean to yena back at the company, she hadn’t really done anything wrong.

the two of them sat in awkward silence the rest of the way back, not exchanging a word even when yuri disembarked at her apartment building.

_now i’ve made hyewon mad, too,_ yuri thought, sighing as she unlocked her door.

yuri went to bed that day after a pathetic dinner of half-cooked ramen — she was completely exhausted, and really couldn’t be bothered to try any harder. flopping face-first onto her bed, yuri felt her eyes falling shut, all thoughts of hyewon and yena and dancing grinding to a halt.

it had been a long day.

-

yuri woke up not quite in the way she was expecting; the room was still dark apart from the sliver of moonlight gleaming through her window and the dull glow of something on her nightstand. something was ringing, a quiet but annoying buzz that jolted yuri out of sleep and directed her unfocussed, blurry vision onto the nightstand by her bed.

“what the hell?” she mumbled, rolling onto her side and reaching blindly for her phone. she wasn’t wearing her contacts, but in the bright screen of her phone yuri could see _2:49_ plastered across her lock screen in bright white. the phone buzzed in her hand, the green _accept call_ button lighting up every few seconds, but yuri was too tired to make out the caller.

grumbling, yuri swiped her phone, closing her eyes as she brought the phone to her ear. “whoever you are, you better have a damn good reason for calling at 3 in the morning!” she half-yelled.

the person on the other end laughed boisterously, and yuri could feel annoyance building in her.

_“c’mon yul… don’t get mad at me again…”_

even through the slurred speech, yuri could immediately tell exactly who it was. suddenly, all exhaustion faded away, and yuri pushed herself upright, eyes shooting open.

“y-yena unnie?”

_“‘s right!”_ yena laughed. in the background of her call, yuri heard something being knocked over. _“‘m surprised y’ can tell… with how much y’ wanted to forget me and everything…”_

“why did you call me, unnie?”

_“me? i dunno, yul, maybe it was for old time’s sake… maybe… maybe i missed you… y’don’t talk to me anymore, yul…”_

“yena, you’re drunk. tell me where you are, i’ll call chaeyeon,” yuri said, turning on the lights and running over to her desk to dig for her old contact list.

_“aw, c’mon! what d’you think she’s gonna do at 3am? who d’you think got me this wasted”_

yuri sighed, closing her eyes and massaging the bridge of her nose. she glanced at the clock on her desk. if she hurried, she could be back in bed by 5.

“yena, where are you, i’ll come pick you up,” she sighed, grabbing her coat and wallet. from the other end of the line, she could hear faint, sing-song laughter and yena giggling something incoherent.

“yena, answer me.”

the laughter only intensified, and yuri could barely make out _‘m not telling you_ in between yena’s giggles. 

_“why do you care? ‘s not like you’ll actually come, anyway.”_

“yena,” yuri growled through gritted teeth, clenching her phone harder.

_“aww, you’re still so cute when you’re pissed.”_

“choi yena!” yuri yelled. her voice echoed through the room; the other end of the line going eerily silent.

“yena, it’s late, and i know you’re going to regret this tomorrow, so for the love of _god_ will you _please_ just tell me where you are so that i can stop you from doing something stupid?”

yena remained silent. yuri sighed defeatedly, buttoning her coat up and resolving to search for her manually, when suddenly she spoke.

_“’m at our spot. the one by the han river… you… you still remember it, right?”_

yuri froze mid-action, eyes widening and vision blurring.

_“please… you still remember it, right? it was our spot… we found it that day—”_

“that day after class,” yuri whispered. “that day, when you first asked me out.”

both ends of the call remained silent until yuri spoke yet again.

“j-just stay there, unnie. i—i’ll be there in a sec, promise.”

she hung up the call and stepped out into the chilly autumn night.

-

_they’d just finished eating, and now yena fidgeted nervously, glancing through the bill._

_her wallet was painfully light in her pocket, which wasn’t a new observation, but yena had never hated it more than she did now – her first date and she couldn’t even pay for it. she glanced up at yuri, who was looking at her curiously, and shot her a sheepish grin._

_“i can pay if you want,” yuri said, reaching for her wallet._

_“n-no! it’s fine, i’ll get it!” yena shoved her hand into her pocket, feeling the rough, worn edges of the wallet fabric and cursing silently. yuri’s brows furrowed; before yena could react she’d already taken out her credit card and was gesturing to the waiters to help them with payment._

_“s-sorry,” yena mumbled, looking down._

_“there’s nothing to be sorry for,” yuri said, taking her card back from the waiter, who’d just returned. “besides, my allowance is way more than i know what to do with. i can afford to pay for once lunch.”_

_watching yuri’s sweet, innocent smile made yena feel even worse, the feeling only worsening when she saw how happy yuri as she walked out of the café, grinning and constantly looking back to see if yena was watching._

_“it’s a beautiful day today, don’t you think?”_

_yena could only nod, but to tell the truth she wasn’t paying attention to the weather. all she could think about was yuri, and how absolutely stunning she looked there doing nothing._

_an idea popped into her head, and she grabbed yuri’s hand._

_“i… i know a place by the han river where we can sit for a bit… it’s really pretty there and hardly anyone goes there.”_

_she led yuri by the arm across the road to where the river flowed, then took a couple of turns past the crowd into a more secluded area, shaded by a large ginko tree. which filtered sunlight in little patches. the river was calm that day, rippling gently as little gusts of wind blew past, and yuri’s eyes widened at the sight of it all._

_“wow… it’s really cool,” she gasped, clutching yena’s arm tighter. yena felt her heart speed up._

_“i had fun today,” she squeaked, not really knowing why. “and i’m not really an expert on this… romance thing, seeing as you’re literally my first date… but i think it went really well.”_

_yena looked down at yuri as she spoke, eyes starry and genuine. yuri felt herself fall deeper into her gaze, captivated by how perfect yena looked._

_“i had a great time, too,” she smiled, “you’re really nice, yena, and i don’t know if chaeryeong or chaeyeon told you but i really do like you, a lot, so hopefully this isn’t the only time we meet like this.”_

_she looked out at the river again, letting go of yena’s hand and walking over to lean on the guardrail. the afternoon sun glistened on the water, making her squint. yena walked next to her, leaning forward on the guardrail as well._

_no words were exchanged. no words needed to be exchanged._

_that was the moment jo yuri realised she’d fallen for choi yena._

-

when yuri reached the old ginko tree, it was past four (she’d had trouble getting a taxi into the city) and she was greeted with the sight of yena slumped against the trunk, dead asleep.

sighing, she walked over, gently pulling one of her arms over her shoulder so that she could support yena back to a taxi, but yena stirred at the first bit of contact.

“y-yuri?” she croaked; voice hoarse. it was the first time she’d heard yena so raw in months – they’d only ever spoken formally since yuri had gotten back to seoul.

“yena, can you walk?” she asked, stopping all movement. “i’ll take you back to my apartment for tonight because i don’t think i can take you home at four in the morning.”

yuri tried to stand with yena’s arm around her shoulder, but the latter only groaned, cradling her head with her other hand. “my head hurts,” she groaned, but she tried her best to get to her feet anyway.

“geez, yena, what time did you start drinking?”

“after i left work... chaeyeon offered to pay, she didn’t really take no for an answer.”

yuri succeeded in getting yena to stand, and she began gingerly coaxing her along the road, supporting half her weight as yena shuffled along limply. they got to the disgruntled taxi driver a few minutes later, and yuri helped yena in, watching her fall asleep the moment she closed the door.

yena’s head lay on her lap, hands clutching weakly onto her shirt. her brows were furrowed even in sleep, but the steady rise and fall of her chest indicated that she was having a peaceful rest, at least. yuri watched the woman lying in her lap, her heart sinking even more with every passing second. running a hand over yena’s face, she found it far too easy to slip back into old habits – playing with a lock of her hair, caressing her smooth, milky, cheeks; it made yuri feel so _right._

she’d never felt as much regret in her life than in that moment.

they reached yuri’s complex, and yuri reluctantly shook yena awake. the latter blinked dazedly, now able to stand on her own, though she still walked clumsily, and yuri guided her by the arm up the block and into her apartment, into her bed. she didn’t even have to contemplate it – in yena’s current condition, there was no way yuri was letting her sleep on the couch.

yena fell asleep again the moment she hit the mattress, mumbling something that vaguely resembled yuri’s name.

yuri felt her eyes water, but she tucked the older girl in, making sure to also help her charge her phone and turn off the lights.

_it feels like we’re still together._

_why does it feel so right?_

yuri curled up on the couch, pulling an extra blanket over herself as she let her tears fall.

_why didn’t we just stay like this forever?_

_why did i have to ruin everything_

_i just want to run into your arms again._

amongst memories of ginko trees and café dates, yuri fell asleep to the rhythm of her own heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed, the support keeps me sane :D  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ssonghayoungs?s=20)  
> [issues in the world](https://issuesintheworld.carrd.co/)


	10. ch 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it was ironic, really, that the person who knew choi yena the best had misjudged yena’s character this badly. 
> 
> she’d expected yena to get mad. to hate her, to erase all memories of her, to never bother about one jo yuri ever again. 
> 
> how wrong she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “updates might be a few weeks later!” i said, going mia immediately after. 
> 
> well, blackpink made a comeback and now so have i. finals are over so hopefully i can get the next few updates out faster :3
> 
> [parting](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SN7NLdiwcnk) by onewe

sunlight flitted in though the curtains, staining the inside of yena’s eyelids orange.

her skull pounded like she’d been hit over the head with a bat, heartbeat echoing in her ears and a bitter, dry, tinge in the back of her throat. yena rolled onto her back, squinting at the ceiling and letting dark grey fill her vision.

_my ceiling isn’t this colour._

exhaustion forgotten, yena bolted upright, eyes snapping open in horror as the events of last night began clamouring for her attention – she was out with chaeyeon, she’d gotten wasted, and now she was in someone else’s house, her memory completely blank after that point—

yena whipped the duvet off, leaping out of bed. her phone lay on the nightstand fully charged, and if yena weren’t in such a panic she’d stop and appreciate how considerate her host (saviour?) was.

_where the hell am i?_

the world spun in circles around her, forcing yena to half-walk half-stumble out of the door, struggling with the doorknob as she did so. it was pathetic, to say the least, and if yujin or chaewon were here they’d have roasted her to a charred mess by now.

yena successfully walked into another room without tripping and falling, but the living room of the apartment she found herself in gave no further cues as to whose house she had crashed in. the curtains in the living room were drawn shut, depriving it of the morning sunlight, but the thin blankets thrown hastily over the sofa told yena that the owner of the house was already awake. confused, she rubbed the back of her head, trying to soothe the throbbing in her skull. yena turned back in the direction of her bedroom to look for any signs of life—

—only to find herself face-to-face with jo yuri.

-

“ _have you seen yena?_ ”

yujin groaned, rolling over in bed. she had half a mind to hang up on chaeyeon right then and there, but the panic in the older girl’s voice was terrifyingly familiar, and yujin hated that she could immediately make the association to that night at the train station.

“no, i haven’t... wasn’t she out with you last night?”

“ _yeah, but then i left — god, im so_ stupid _! — it was getting late and she promised to go home, and now i can’t fucking find her..._ ”

“did you call chaewon?”

“ _she’s still on the way back from new york._ ”

truth be told, yujin did kind of know where yena was. yena had texted her at an ungodly hour the previous night (or that morning?), in a text so ridden with typos that it was almost impossible to read. in the immediate aftermath of The Incident, yujin had become somewhat of an expert in interpreting yena’s drunk texts (they were always about the same person, anyway); reading another drunk message gave yujin strange sense of deja vu.

“did... did you call yuri?” she asked.

“ _did i— why would i—”_

there was a pause from the other end of the line as chaeyeon put two and two together, sighing exhaustedly into the mic.

“ _i’ll pay her a visit right now. thanks, jinnie.”_

yujin frowned. even in her half-asleep state, she could tell that was probably a bad idea.

“wait wait wait chaeyeon—”

the line went dead, and yujin could only groan.

-

“d-do you... do you want anything to drink? like, uh, tea? i know you don’t drink coffee because of the caffeine, or something, but i think you should know that tea contains caffeine too, which really isn’t the best thing to be drinking when you’re hungover, so if you want i have some capri-suns, or i could just get you some water—”

“yul- yuri,” yena cut her off, “you’re rambling again. water’s fine, don’t worry.”

from the other side if the kitchen counter, yuri smiled nervously, her hands visibly shaking as she poured yena some water and placed it on the counter for her. yena smiled graciously as she took a sip, which only seemed to stress yuri out even more.

“thanks for, um, helping me out, yuri,” yena said, trying to avoid the awkwardness. “y’ really didn’t have to, and i probably said some dumb stuff on the phone. ‘mreally sorry i had to put you through all that.” her words came out increasingly mumbled. 

yuri nodded, avoiding eye contact. “it... it wasn’t a big deal, unnie, really. i was just helping my s-sunbaenim out.”

hearing how yuri addressed her, yena had the sudden urge to get out of her house and cry. “well!” yena said, trying to hide the pain in her voice, “thanks, i guess. i, uh... i have stuff to do now, so i’ll just...”

yena hopped off the barstool by the counter, intending to head to the bedroom and get her stuff, but a sudden wave of dizziness hit her and she fell to the ground rather pathetically.

yena’s head pounded. she _hated_ hangovers.

“sunbaenim? are you okay?” yuri’s voice was soft and sweet and concerned, but it only added to her migraine. “do you need to rest a little more, or get something to eat? i-i’m sorry, i’ve never been hungover before, i-i don’t really know what to do...”

“i’m fine,” yena replied hoarsely, shutting her eyes.

_you’re not,_ chaewon-voice grunted.

“you’re not,” yuri said, her voice somewhere between concern and exasperation, “much did you drink to end up like this?”

“probably a lot, i don’t know,” yena sighed.

_you blew 200 thousand won on beer and soju last night, i’d say that’s bypassed ‘a lot’,_ chaewon-voice said.

“i mean, clearly you’re unable to walk, so i’d say you drank way more than ‘a lot’, yena,” yuri helped her up and led her to the sofa to lie down, draping one of the blankets over her. yena felt exhaustion wash over her almost immediately, even though she’d just woken up, and maybe it showed, because yuri placed a hand over yena’s forehead, brows furrowing. “and you feel kinda feverish too, so there must’ve been _inhuman_ amounts of alcohol involved last night.”

if yena were a little less out of it, maybe she’d have realised that yuri had dropped the formalities and stopped stuttering.

“‘s fine. i’m used to it, i used to drink like this every other week.”

“what? yena, that’s insanely unhealthy, what the hell!”

“you’re not the first person to say that. chaewon had to confiscate my credit cards for a month, ‘nd she still couldn’t stop me.”

“why the hell were you drinking—” yuri began, but she cut herself off, growing unusually quiet. the half-unconscious yena didn’t seem to notice.

she did, however, notice, when yuri gingerly placed her hand in hers, and yena gripped it weakly. there was the cool glint of metal against her skin, and yuri looked down to find yena’s still wearing her promise ring — why hadn’t she noticed earlier? yuri instinctively reached for her own ring, hung on a chain around her neck, hidden out of sight but still there. 

it felt like forever before either of them spoke again, and yena let herself succumb to the tiredness that filled her.

“i’m gonna go get you some panadol, okay?” yuri finally broke the quiet, withdrawing her hand, and yena was left with cold emptiness in her hands.

“yul,” yena said weakly, reaching for her hand and clasping it weakly. “please don’t go. not again.”

yuri stood in stunned silence.

“i- i’m not going anywhere, i’m just g-going to get you some medicine for your fever,” she stammered.

yena blinked weakly at her for a few seconds, hands clasping around yuri’s fingers like how a child would hold their mother’s hand.

“okay,” she finally said, letting go, but yuri stood rooted to the ground.

-

chaeyeon finally managed to find yuri’s apartment, a particularly unremarkable block of flats located at the very edge of seoul city.

she tapped her feet anxiously as she rode up to yuri’s floor. get yena, apologise for yena, and get out. that was the plan. she hoped yena hadn’t embarrassed herself too much the night before, but really choi yena was capable of a lot, and _god_ why did chaeyeon leave her alone at a bar when she was feeling depressed and lonely?

she arrived at yuri’s floor, finding yuri’s door almost immediately, and held up her hand to ring the doorbell—

—but couldn’t.

yena had said something to her last night that had slipped her mind, but now, standing in front of yuri’s door, the scene could only reply over and over again in her head.

_“you still love her, don’t you?”_

_“i told her... told her i’d wait. and ‘m still waiting, still waiting for it all to work out. you can call that toxic, but i know yul wouldn’t just stop loving me. i can’t stop loving her till... till i have an explanation, at least.”_

chaeyeon may not have liked yuri after The Incident, but she couldn’t deny that yena was right. yuri wouldn’t just leave, and maybe she needed time alone with yena to clear things up. maybe this was that time alone, and chaeyeon should just come back later.

lowering her hand, chaeyeon turned, and walked away from the door.

-

it was ironic, really, that the person who knew choi yena the best had misjudged yena’s character this badly.

she’d expected yena to get mad. to hate her, to erase all memories of her, to never bother about one jo yuri ever again.

how wrong she was.

yena was still hurting, still waiting for her to come back. she should have realised that day at the station that yena wouldn’t just give up, and she should have realised at the company building that yena had never actually stopped waiting. 

yuri had miscalculated, and now the result was two heartbroken gays each pining for the other. simple fix, right? just get back together, and everything would go back to the way it was.

except it wouldn’t, because things weren’t the way they were back then anymore. yena was an a-list celebrity now, and even though yuri hadn’t yet debuted she was already being hyped as the next big thing, with her first release coming out in just two weeks. they were both celebrities living and working in a country that wasn’t exactly the most open-minded. if they got back together, it would only be a matter of time before the press would find out, and from there everything would tumble into catastrophe.

there was no doubting that they’d both be happy again if they were together, but still, was it really worth sacrificing both their careers for? especially for yena, who was currently at the peak of her popularity — it just didn’t seem worth it.

yuri had already chosen between their relationship and yena’s career once. looking at the woman sleeping on her couch, curled under several layers of blankets, yuri realised she couldn’t make that decision again.

she had to talk to yena. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone who’s still reading is amazing and ily all <3
> 
> leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed, the support keeps me sane :D  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ssonghayoungs?s=20)  
> [issues in the world](https://issuesintheworld.carrd.co/)


End file.
